


So, you know I love you right?

by silver_holly



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Army, Character Death, Gay, I'm Sorry, M/M, One Shot, Random & Short, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-10-14 16:13:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10539990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_holly/pseuds/silver_holly
Summary: So, you know I love you right? Just wanted to remind you one more time now that I’m not there anymore.Kyungsoo only left Jongin one perfect video.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in 3 days, please have mercy on my soul. I don't really write really touchy, feely fics so constructive criticism is highly welcomed. I am not responsible for any brain cells you may lose from reading my shitty writing. You have been warned.

_ So, you know I love you right? Just wanted to remind you one more time now that I’m not there anymore.  _

 

Jongin traces the simple handwriting that is denting the paper. Ink pooling in certain spots as the writer contemplated what to write next. He feels a small bump in the envelope and tears it open. It’s a USB key, labelled with  _ Nini _ on the side of it. A little bear cartoon is scribbled next to the name. Jongin bites down on his lips to try to stop the tears welling in his eyes. 

 

“Thank you,” Jongin gives a curt nod to the Captain. 

 

The man salutes purposefully before leaving the room, polished shoes echoing down the tile corridor. 

 

Jongin runs to his bag and pulls out his laptop. Settling down in an armchair, he plugs the USB into the port and pulls it up on the desktop. There is one single video on the disk with a runtime of almost two hours. 

 

Jongin opens it. 

 

_ Hi, Kim Jongin!  _ Do Kyungsoo’s soothing voice flows from the speakers of his laptop. The tears came and they came hard. Jongin pauses the videos as his breath becomes ragged. Looking up to the ceiling, Jongin tries to stop the tears from rolling down his cheek. Squeezing his eyes shut, the most strangled whimper came out of Jongin’s lips. 

 

Wiping the tears onto his shirt sleeves, Jongin focused on the image of Kyungsoo on his screen. The man looked sleepy, complete with tousled hair and an oversized t-shirt that was probably Jongin’s. However, despite the sleepy façade Kyungsoo sported an adorable smile that had his eyes in crescents. 

 

“You’re gone. You’re  _ fucking  _ gone, Do Kyungsoo.” Convulsions racked Jongin’s body as he continues to point and scream profanities at his computer screen. “Don’t  _ fucking _ greet me through a  _ fucking  _ computer screen. I want you here. I want you  _ here. _ ” 

 

Jongin takes a few deep breaths, and tries to settle himself down. Closing his eyes, again, Jongin relaxes his body and presses play. 

 

_ Stop crying, you’re ugly when you cry.  _ Choked laughing mixes with Jongin’s ragged whimpers, and little hiccups start developing in the back of his throat. Jongin watches Kyungsoo’s face suddenly turn serious on the screen.  _ Now, it’s time to get down to business. If you have received this message, it means that the Russians have discovered our plans to infiltrate their vodka market, and they’re probably not happy. But, we cannot let this mission die with us. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find my Commanding Sergeant, Park Chanyeol, and tell him to access the Korean NIS server under my name. There is a file named VDK and the access code is XLKSLBCCDTKS. Open it, further instructions will be in the file. This message will self destruct in 5….. 4….. _

 

Jongin stared at the screen with a serious expression, eyebrows so creased they are almost touching. Small  _ hics  _ fill the room as Jongin’s mind blanks.  _ I must be dreaming. Kyungsoo isn’t dead. I’ll just wake up and he’ll be right there.  _

 

_ 3…..  _

 

_ 2….. _

 

_ Wait, what if this is actually real?  _

 

_ 1….. _

 

Jongin didn’t really know what he expected. Maybe smoke pouring out of his now fried motherboard like in those Tom Cruise movies. But, the only thing that happens is Kyungsoo’s face lighting up, again. 

 

_ You believed me for a second didn’t you? I always thought that was so stupid. How do you even remember all that stuff in five seconds?  _ Kyungsoo’s lips form a heart shape as a smile cracks across his face. Jongin laughs in disbelief, he feels him letting go of a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.   

 

_ Anyways, um… let’s get started.  _ Kyungsoo furrowed his eyebrows and pouted,  _ That sounds really weird. How do you do a good segway? How do vloggers do this?  _

 

Jongin smiles at Kyungsoo’s upset and confused face. He wants to pinch his cheeks and poke fun at him for sucking a vlogging so much. He wants Kyungsoo to flick his forehead afterwards and tell him he’s an idiot. He wants Kyungsoo to be sitting next to him. Jongin wants it to go back to the way it was before. 

 

_ Okay, whatever. Um… right now, it’s the night before my deployment, and you’re sleeping back there.  _ Jongin sees Kyungsoo’s finger cover most of the screen, pointing at a sleeping figure on a bed behind Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo turns and does a double take.  _ Why do you sleep with your ass in the air?  _

 

Kyungsoo lets out a small chuckle and stands from the chair he is sitting in. Jongin watches Kyungsoo push his ass over and pull the covers over his sleeping body. Everything feels surreal. 

 

_ Anyways,  _ Kyungsoo settles back into the chair.  _ If I die on my deployment, then I won’t ever get a chance to say my last words to you, so I thought that I’d prerecord my last words. Just in case, you know.  _

 

_ So, you know I love you right? Just wanted to remind you one more time now that I’m not there anymore.  _ Jongin’s vision blurs. His knuckles turn white as he grips his laptop.  _ I don’t want you to forget that I love you, and I hope that you don’t ever forget your love for me. So, here are my five favourite moments from all the times we’ve spent together.  _

 

_ Number 1.  _ Kyungsoo holds up a straight finger next to his face.  _ Meeting you. I know that’s cliché, but doesn’t something become cliché because it is true? There wouldn’t be the thousands of moments we had together if we didn’t have our first.  _

 

_ It was an end of the school year party. At the age of 24, Kim Jongin finishes medical school as the youngest and top of his class. Despite being smart, and drop dead gorgeous, he manages to get through all his years of college a virgin thanks to having zero social IQ.  _ Kyungsoo makes a circle with his left hand and holds it over his left eye. He gives a hefty laugh and Jongin feels his breath hitch in his throat, the way it did every time he’s heard Kyungsoo’s melodic laugh previously. However, this time, his body racks with sobs as he tries to regain his breath. 

 

On the blurry screen, Kyungsoo rummages for something offscreen.  _ This is how you seduced me. Remember?  _

 

Kyungsoo is holding a playing card. Ace of hearts. Jongin remembers the party vaguely. He remembers sitting in the corner, and hating that he had gotten peer pressured into going. Jongin had brought a deck of cards with him, practicing random slights of hand, and shuffling skills in the corner of the room. He was surprised to see a petite boy with wide eyes walk up him, asking to see a trick. 

 

_ I had picked this card, and you told me three things. 1. The card is red. 2. It’s an ace. 3. There is one thing written on the center, and I would give that one thing to you. So smooth, Kim Jongin, so smooth. And I guess I did. My heart.  _ Kyungsoo smiles, lips forming a heart again. 

 

_ You weren’t how I imagined you. You weren’t a boring bookworm with no life outside of work. You were fun, and cute, and it was so unfair how good your grades were with how much Netflix you watched.  _

 

Kyungsoo wasn’t how Jongin imagined either. The tiny man loved physical activity and dreamed of serving in the army. And, despite how cute his big eyes and chubby cheeks looked, the man did not take shit from a single person. Jongin remembers once, when a drunk man overstepped him boundaries at a bar, the man ended up leaving the bar in an ambulance and with a restraining order. 

 

Kyungsoo kisses the card. Jongin never thought he’d feel so much resent and jealousy towards a playing card. Kyungsoo tosses the card onto the table and pulls out something Jongin can’t make out. 

 

_ Trip to Six Flags.  _ Jongin realizes it’s an amusement park ticket.  _ Wasn’t our first date, but definitely my most favourite date. Mostly because you were deathly afraid of heights, and I just love seeing you suffer.  _

 

“Then you’ll love seeing me right now.” Jongin says solemnly, wiping his eyes with clammy fingers. 

 

_ Forcing you onto the Dive Devil drop ride was the best thing ever. Mostly because your perfect body was strapped so closely to mine, and what made it better was you clinging on tightly for dear life.  _ Kyungsoo hugs his own shoulders tightly, replicating what Jongin probably looked like.  _ I’ve never heard you say ‘fuck’ so many times consecutively. I remember the operator was counting down on the overhead from ten, but he dropped us at seven. You called him a ‘lying cuntface’ all the way to the bottom.  _

 

A breathy laugh escapes Jongin’s lips, strings of saliva joins his bottom and top lip. Jongin made Kyungsoo go on the ride five more times afterwards. Kyungsoo complained about going on a ride that cost extra in a park filled with other rides they had already paid for. Jongin wasn’t afraid of heights anymore. 

 

_ The next thing I don’t really have any evidence for, so I guess you’re going to have to take my word for it.  _ Kyungsoo rubs the back of his neck nervously.  _ Sex.  _

 

Kyungsoo slowly glances over his shoulder at the sleeping Jongin behind him, shifting his head left and right to see if the boy had signs of waking. Kyungsoo’s eyes are wide when he turns back around. He holds up a stern finger.  _ If you wake up to me talking about sex to a camera, I’m actually going to kill myself. Then, get a divorce. You’ll never let me live it down.  _

 

_ Anyways, the sex was amazing.  _ Kyungsoo let his eyes roll towards the back of his head as a pleased, tranquil look came across his face. Suddenly, his face changes.  _ I mean, there was that one time when you didn’t know what a gag reflex was and you vomited on my dick. But, most of it was lovely.  _

 

Jongin turns from water fountain to ripe, rotting tomato.

 

_ I’m so jealous of your metabolism. I trained in boot camp every single day for months at a time and somehow I’m still not as slim as you. Your body is perfect. You always say that I have the duck lips all girls dream of, but your lips are just as full and beautiful.  _ Kyungsoo’s pink tongue appears between his lips and gives them a gentle swipe. Jongin absentmindedly reciprocates the action.  _ They felt amazing against mine, and I am so absolutely addicted to them.  _

 

_ Going down, you have the most tempting collarbones which I love to mark with kisses. By the way, you’re going to need some serious concealer tomorrow to cover what we did tonight. Broad chest, strong arms, that weird patch of hair connecting your navel to those happy trails. Your perfect ass.  _ Jongin almost chuckles at how Kyungsoo’s hands make a squeezing motion. 

 

_ Your thick and oddly veiny cock. Seriously, why are dicks so weird and dark compared to the rest of the male body? Such a shame you never got to top, but allow me to bring up my previous point one more time: your perfect ass. Another unfair thing, your beautiful skin. You literally never see the sun, but everytime I see you, you’re glowing golden.  _ Kyungsoo takes a deep breath before looking over his shoulder to check on Jongin’s sleep status, again. 

 

_ Okay, I’ll have to leave it here because I already have a raging boner and if I keep going I’ll have to wake sleeping Jongin up for another round.  _ Kyungsoo gives the camera a tantalizing look and then bursts into a silent laughing fit, trying to keep from being too loud. Jongin smiles at how happy the man looks. _ We fuck a lot, I’m sure you remember the rest of the details anyways. So…. what number was I on?  _

 

_ Number 4,  _ Kyungsoo fiddles with something around his neck. A chain with two rings strung on it.  _ Engagement. I would first like to reiterate how salty I am that you proposed to me. Clearly, I wear the pants in this relationship and if I hadn’t been off on deployment, I would have been the one to propose.  _

 

_ You proposed to me. A neurologist making seven figures a year, proposed to a soldier making a sixth of that. A soldier who would be halfway around the world facing death 18 months out of 24.  _ Kyungsoo slides the ring onto his finger, eyes teary but smile wide.  _ Marrying an army man is never easy. It’s a hundred sleepless nights wondering if they’ll come home in pieces or in a body bag. But, being an army man is what I wanted to be more than anything else in my life. No matter how many deaths I witness, or how many times I see my life flash before my eyes, I go to sleep everyday contempt that I saved someone's life that day.  _

 

_ You accepted that. You accepted me and my crazy lifestyle. When I walked out of the airport, there you were with roses, balloons, and everything. We were that annoying couple that made everyone else at the airport feel awkward, and it was perfect.  _ Kyungsoo admires the ring on his finger for a second. He settles his face on his hands, resting his elbows on the table. Kindness and sincerity is written in his eyes.  _ Kim Jongin, you let me have everything I’ve ever wanted. You put up with my shitty lifestyle so that I could keep your beautiful smile in my life. Smile for me. I know you're probably crying. Smile.  _

 

Jongin smiles. 

 

_ And, this all brings me to my last point.  _ Kyungsoo pulls off the second ring on the chain.  _ Marriage.  _

 

_ It was a small ceremony. Just your parents and some of our friends. My parents didn’t approve, which is stupid because who doesn’t want a brain surgeon son-in-law who makes seven figures. We fought so much in the months leading to the ceremony. Who’s going to wear white? Who’s going to wear black? What candles do you want? What type of corsage are we getting? What flavour of cake? I still firmly believe that we should have chosen caramel chocolate over vanilla. I think we threatened to separate about 74 times throughout the two months. And then, you walked down the aisle.  _ The ring rolls between Kyungsoo’s lip and finger, his eyes were shut in bliss. 

 

_ You looked beautiful in white, just like how I had argued so many times. The day was beautiful. The dewy forest venue was so peaceful and serene. The candles were perfect, the corsage was perfect, and the cake, although not as amazing as caramel chocolate, was delicious. The entire day was perfect.  _

 

Jongin remembers the day immaculately. It was a very intimate event. No cameras, no phones. Just a couple in love with a few of their closest family and friends. The ceremony had been held in a meadow at  Cheonbuldong Valley. They had gotten up early in the morning to enjoy the ethereal views of the mountains. Simple wooden benches served as the seats for the guests and a lacey train of fabric as the aisle. A simple white flower gazebo sat at the end of the fabric. 

 

Yixing, the only pastor who would officiate a gay wedding, had them repeat their vows. Kyungsoo’s were full of teasing comments, making Jongin blush in front of their guests. Jongin’s were sincere, and every word made Kyungsoo’s heart skip. Kyungsoo slipped the ring onto Jongin’s finger and Jongin said, ‘I do.’  

 

The party pulled out long tables for the reception. Simple dishes prepared by the villagers of the valley. The vanilla cake was delicious and Jongin rubbed that fact into Kyungsoo’s face repeatedly. Toasts were toasted. Jongin got high off of the sugar and red wine. Spinning Kyungsoo around on the soft grass, Jongin somehow lost his shoes between slow songs and  dancing through the night to the gentle noises of music and night. 

 

_ Thanks to Korea’s dumbass laws, our marriage isn’t legally binding, but our marriage is more important than a stupid piece of paper. For you, this may just be a chapter, but for me, this is my entire book. I have accepted that, but that’s easy since I’m already dead. I don’t really have a choice. What I need is for you to accept it. To close this chapter and move on with your life.  _

 

“How could I ever move on from you?” Jongin murmurs, “How could I ever leave behind perfection and settle for second best? Tell me, and I’ll do it.” 

 

_ I made this video because I want you to realize that everything was worth it. Even though I’m gone now, and it all hurts so much, I would like to believe that the pain is worth it for all the moments we spent together. Was I worth it Jongin?  _

 

“Yes.” 

 

_ For me, every moment we spent together was worth every hard day on the battlefield. So don’t be sad; be happy. We had a wonderful thing. No, we have a wonderful thing. It’ll always be wonderful. Don’t fear moving on. These memories we have, they’ll always be here. Even when you’re old and wrinkly, and you have alzheimer's just watch this video, again. Go out and add more beautiful memories to ours. Live the other chapters of your life, and tell me all the stories when I see you on the other side.   _

 

Though a tear or two shed from Kyungsoo’s red eyes, the most serene look overcame his face. He stares straight at the camera, and allows the ends of his mouth tip upwards.

 

_ So, you know I love you right? Just wanted to remind you one more time now that I’m not there anymore. _

 

Jongin looks back at Kyungsoo’s face. Moisture from tears, saliva, and snot clings to his skin. The man takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. 

 

“I know. I love you, too.” Serenity. “See you later, Kyungsoo.” 

 

Footsteps echo from down the hall, and Jongin knows someone is here to see him. No one else is here expect for him. The screen of his laptop fades to black, and Jongin tucks it back into his bag. A slender man in a lab coat walks into the room. 

 

“Hey Dr. Kim,” Dr. Byun greets Jongin with a small wave, “I can’t even begin to imagine how hard this must be on you but you’ve been here all night. The mortician is going to be here soon for her shift. They need this visitation room for the families of other deceased. You need to sleep. How about you head home to get some rest and I’ll place Mr. Do’s body back into the morgue?” 

 

“No, I can do it myself.” Jongin waves off the other doctor and heads over to the table where Kyungsoo’s body is lying. From the two bullet holes between his bottom ribs, it probably isn’t a shocker how he died. He was saving a little girl with a suicide bomb strapped to her chest. Jongin places a kiss on the corpse’s forehead. 

 

“I’ll tell you all the fun stories I have.” Jongin has one more good look at the face he loves so much, and then veils it in a white cloth. 

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Dr. Byun says awkwardly behind Jongin, feeling like he is intruding on something extremely intimate. 

  
“Yes, I’m perfect.”  __


End file.
